Content
Although the task was generally well completed, there needed to be more detail as to why you want the position and why you are the most suitable candidate. I would have liked to see a stronger link between your skills and experience and how they would be beneficial to the internship. Often these were informally stated and undeveloped.
e.g. compare.
I have travelled a lot
I have travelled extensively which means I am aware of cultural differences and can work well in an international business environment such as your organisation.
I'm good at English
I have attained a high B2 level of written and spoken English allowing me to deal easily with international clients.
Register
No contractions, consistently formal
Accuracy
Spelling:Madame Madam
Prepositions: on your website, at the LUISS
Tenses: perfect tenses for talking about your experience, present simple rather than past for I attach/enclose my C.V.
Use would rather than could - it's more positive
e.g. If I am selected I would be a great asset to your firm.
Keep to the formulas used in the model letter to avoid structural errors and to keep your writing concise, e.g. Student Version: I am writing because of my interest in the position offered (11 words)
Model: I am writing to apply for the position (8 words)
Language
I would like to apply for the above position
Only use this phrase if you have previously stated what the position is in the line above or subject line e.g.
Re: Financial Intern
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to apply for the above position as advertised on www.internships.co.uk.
GPII Group 11 (Thursday 11:30am)
Content
Some students did not follow instructions. You were told to select an advertised INTERNSHIP position from http://www.summerinternships.com/legal-internships/. Some students did not go to the right website, did not select internships in the legal profession or applied for jobs rather than internships which meant that they had to invent content. This defeated the whole purpose of the exercise which was to present your own experience in a letter which would have valid use in the real world. If you don't follow instructions and therefore don't do what the task requires, the highest grade you can acieve is a C, no matter how well the letter is written.
Language
I would like to apply for the above position
Only use this phrase if you have previously stated what the position is in the line above or subject line e.g.
Re: Financial Intern
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to apply for the above position as advertised on www.internships.co.uk.
False Friends/Translation Errors
Countable & Uncountable Nouns
knowledge, experience, information are uncountable and therefore always singular.
Collocation
attend a course
study a subject/for a degree
Accuracy
worked as a lawyer
Use would rather than could - it's more positive
e.g. If I am selected I would be a great asset to your firm.
Keep to the formulas used in the model letter to avoid structural errors and to keep your writing concise, e.g. Student Version: I am writing because of my interest in the position offered (11 words)
Model: I am writing to apply for the position (8 words)
